


The Time that Derek knew that Something Was Wrong With Spencer

by KittyPadackles



Series: In Time [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Adrenaline Junkie, Dilaudid, M/M, Moreid, Schizophrenia, Split Personalities, i have an obsession with character death, literally every story i write, nah, or do they, or do they this time, sigh, some major character dies, they do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-02-27
Packaged: 2018-03-15 13:03:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3448187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyPadackles/pseuds/KittyPadackles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Derek watched Spencer rap on the table with his fingers, he knew something bad was going to be happening to the young genius very soon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Time that Derek knew that Something Was Wrong With Spencer

**Author's Note:**

> To me, this story gets a bit confusing, but never fear, it all should come together at the end!

Spencer Reid was young, younger than anyone in the unit. He started when he was twenty one, four years ago. He was clean cut, hair gelled back, sweater fitting perfectly to his lean form, and his bag perched perfectly on his   
shoulder. Over the years, the more horror he seen, caused the change in his appearance, causing it to fall. He let his hair grow out until it was knotted and touching his shoulders, and because of his fast-paced mind and devotion to his work, he often forgot to eat, which led to a sharp change in weight. His clothes hung loosely on him, and his tie wasn’t even, and his bag even managed to look out of place and crooked.

The rest of Spencer’s team noticed the sharp change in appearance in their young profiler. The chief, Aaron Hotchner, seemed to realize what was wrong with Spencer before everyone else. He isn’t the chief for nothing, Aaron was the best at what he does. Aaron had approached Spencer one day on the plane back to Virginia while the rest of the team was asleep. Spencer never really slept on the plane, especially not after such a tough case like the one they just solved; the unsub had killed himself and fourteen other people, injuring sixty three in the process, in one final attempt to defiance the authorities. 

Aaron knew that Spencer was more affected than the rest of the team was to this case. He knew in the back of his mind that he should have never allowed Spencer to join them on the case. The unsub was schizophrenic, with mild autism that grew up in a single parent home, who’s parent was also schizophrenic. Spencer believes that he himself, could possibly snap any day now and follow in his mother’s footsteps to schizophrenia. Spencer was also slightly autistic, which is why he can’t find certain conversation signals in his every day life. 

Spencer didn’t think no one on his team knew, and he wanted to keep it that way; he hated when people pitied him. But Aaron knew, Aaron knew everything that was going on with his team. He knew about Spencer’s dilaudid issue three years ago, and Derek’s crush on the young doctor. He knew everything. He also knew about Spencer’s nightmares. That’s why he takes a seat across the table from Spencer, whom was looking out the window. 

Spencer doesn’t look away from the window, a part of him knows what’s about to happen, and he doesn’t want to have to look Aaron in the face. (He can’t look people in the eye anyway, another nervous quirk of his that no one but Aaron knows, although… Spencer doesn’t know that.) “Reid,” Aaron says, his voice quiet, but to Spencer, it sounds like he’s screaming. Spencer flinches, but doesn’t answer the chief. A soft pounding starts in his temples. Aaron speaks again, “Spencer.” That got Spencer’s attention. Aaron never called him by his name before. The only one that doesn’t call him Reid is JJ, who calls him Spence, and Morgan, who calls him Pretty Boy. (Spencer doesn’t want to   
admit it, but he loves being called Pretty Boy.)

Spencer finally, after thirty six seconds, looks over at Hotch. He doesn’t speak, and Aaron knows that he doesn’t want to. So Hotch talks. “Listen, when we get back to Quantico, I want you to move in with me and Jack.” Spencer blinks, cringing back into the couch. He doesn’t question why Hotch wants him to move in with him and Jack immediately. The first thing he starts thinking about is commitment, and how he’s terrified of commitment. Then he realizes what Aaron just asked, and he gapes. “Why?” He asks, his mind flying through a mile a minute, trying to process what is going on and the best solution to get out of this situation.

“You have nightmares, Spencer, and it’s better to be with someone else than alone in your apartment, where you just grow even more scared, am I correct?” Aaron asks. Judging the look on Spencer’s face, he knows he isn’t wrong. So he continues. “You related to the unsub today, because you see yourself the way that he was, correct? You are also having nightmares, almost for as long as you have been in the unit, am I correct?” Spencer barely nods his head. “That’s why you don’t sleep on the plane anymore, or rarely at home.”

“Why do you want to help me?” Spencer asks. “No one ever wanted to help me before.” The last part slips out before he can stop it. Aaron immediately wants to comfort the young doctor, someone that he sees as his own son, but refrains. Spencer doesn’t like touching. “Just until you get your nightmares under control, okay?” Aaron asks, waits for Spencer to nod, and then heads back to his previous seat. What the profiler didn’t notice was Morgan laying on the couch next to Spencer, listening to the entire conversation with his eyes shut, breathing even. His heart sinks when he thinks about Aaron and Spencer together. Aaron being able to touch Spencer, comfort him, do all the things that Derek wants to do. His heart sinks even more when he plays back the things that Aaron said about Spencer. Were they all true?

Derek slowly opens one of his eyes, looking at Spencer, who is back to looking out the window. He watches Derek watch him, without Derek knowing. Derek notices Spencer’s eyes dull, purple around the edges, and heavy. He looks drained and exhausted, running on empty, until it can’t run anymore, and then he crashes. That’s the part that Derek is scared of. He doesn’t want to see Spencer crash, die from exhaustion. 

Spencer watches Derek blink slowly, eyes locked on himself. He doesn’t shift his eyes to search for Derek’s on the glass, he knows he’ll be caught. He just keeps his eyes steady on where his eyes currently are. His vision had started to get a bit blurry, and its taking more blinks than usual to clear it. Spencer himself is starting to get worried, and knows he should just sleep and deal with the nightmares, but he’s too scared. 

He’s scared to do anything anymore, he’s scared to sleep, scared to eat (that means twenty less minutes to saving a victim from a certain unwelcome demise), and even scared to get in his car and come to work. But, no matter how many nightmares he has, he doesn’t slow down when it comes to his work. He immediately feels the adrenaline pumping in his veins, and he knows then that nothing can stop him. He feels unstoppable, unbreakable, and ready to take on the deadliest of unsubs. 

Spencer also loves the high, he practically craves it. It keeps him going, makes him go numb, makes him fly. To him, it’s something that he never felt before, something he never thought that he was going to give up. He didn’t want to say it out loud, but he’d be willing to kill for that feeling again. 

As Derek watched Spencer rap on the table with his fingers, he knew something bad was going to be happening to the young genius very soon. 

Spencer moved in with Aaron that weekend. Within the first six days, he knew something was wrong, something that Spencer wasn’t even aware of. At certain points, Spencer would rap his fingers on the table, or on the couch’s arm,   
and stare off into space, his left foot twitching. Aaron would call his name, and he wouldn’t answer. He wouldn’t flinch like he did on the plane. 

Then Spencer would get up, look at Hotch, and speak some excuse to leave the apartment. “I have to head to the store, I’ll see you tonight, Aaron.” He speaks with a tone that is almost identical to Spencer’s, but the pitch is just a bit too low, way too sultry for Spencer, awkward and socially afraid Spencer. Spencer flees the room after that, almost flying, the desire practically flooding off of him. 

Hotch watches the shut door for a long time, thinking back to another time when he heard that tone. One other time, four years ago, the year Spencer joined the unit.

 

Hotch looks up from the conference table as someone enters the room, a half hour later. Spencer stops at the doorway, looking at all of the faces currently looking at him. “What?” He asks, observing the confused and harsh looks of his coworkers. His appearance and tone of voice stopped Hotch from working. “Why is everyone looking at me?” 

Spencer was a quiet addition three weeks ago. He was never this… normal-pitched, outspoken person. He was almost mousy, nervous, and scared to speak up against people that were so much older than him, people with more experience than him. This wasn’t Spencer.

Hotch heard Morgan take a deep intake of breath as he observes Reid’s new “look”. He no longer has his sweater vest and tie on, instead he has a pale purple dress shirt on, the first few buttons undone. He lost the gel in his hair, and it’s now ruffled and messed up, going in several different directions. His pants were the same however, still tight and leaves very little to the imagination (although Hotch refuses to admit he briefly thought about Reid that way before. Morgan would proudly admit it until he died.) 

“You look different Spence.” JJ comments, the first to speak up. Spencer doesn’t reply at first, he just looks at JJ, head tilted. He narrows his eyes, eyes traveling up and down her form, almost like he couldn’t recognize who she was.   
Then he replies, “It was hot. I changed.” It was such a simple reply, one that came with a gentle shrug, before he travels elegantly (Reid was anything but elegant!) to his seat, falling into the chair, crossing his legs over the other.   
He looks over at Hotch, and states, “You may continue, Aaron.” The room silences immediately, gawking at Spencer with a look of disbelief. He just smirks, leaning back in his chair. His tone was so deep, husky, and sensual, the way he breathed out Aaron’s name, almost made him physically take a step back.

Spencer starts raping his fingers on the table, shaking his left foot under the table. Aaron gapes at Spencer, and he looks back, winking, before turning to the case file in front of him. He coughs, before he starts running his finger down the page, reading rapidly.

Spencer quickly walks down the street, looking from left to right. “What’s wrong today, Spencey?” He mutters to himself, adjusting his shirt before racking through his memories, five minutes prior. “You’re scared of living with Aaron? He is cute, you know. You two would make a lovely couple.” He turns a corner, still muttering under his breath. “But that’s not what made you nervous.” He realizes, “You’re scared to go visit your mother tomorrow. I guess she would be considered my mother too, right? We are one…”

Spencer coughs, before he mutters in a shaky voice, “Red, where are we going?” Red shakes his head, chuckling under his breath. “You are so naïve, Spencer. I need an adrenaline fix, and maybe a one-night stand. We are going to that club you like.” Spencer begins shaking his head. “Be glad I’m not going to go get a dose of diluadid. That was a good high. This one is safe.” 

Spencer doesn’t reply, so Red smiles to himself, before walking up the steps to the gay bar he was heading to. He walks inside, immediately hearing people call, “Red!” He grins even wider than before, and heads to the bar where he looks at the new bartender. 

“And you are?” Red asks, raising an eyebrow, gesturing to the strongest drink on the board behind the bartender. 

“Eli.” He replies, grabbing the ingredients needed, “And you are?” 

“Spencer.” Red replies, smiling at the bartender a smile that causes Eli to stop in the middle of mixing and gawk. “But why don’t you call me Red?”

 

Spencer is walking down the street, hands tucked away in his pockets. He looks to his left to see… himself? “Red?” Spencer asks, questioning his double beside him. 

“Hi, Spencey.” Red smiles at him. 

“What are you doing here?” Spencer asks, adding on as a second thought, “How are you here?” 

“Well, your dreaming Spencer.” Red says simply. “I’m inside your mind, and right now, you are too. So, here I am. In the flesh.” He gestures to himself. 

Spencer looks around the room they are in. “Where are we?” 

“A dungeon.” Red states, looking around as well. “I didn’t pick it, you did.” He then looks at Spencer. “You want to kill don’t you?” He starts laughing manically. “You do! You’ve had the urge to kill for years now, but you never felt it strongly because you’ve killed unsubs before. Oh this is brilliant!” 

Spencer starts shaking his head. “No, you’re wrong.”

All of a sudden, Red is right against him, growling. “I’m never wrong, Spencer Reid.”

Spencer wakes up the next morning to the smell of fresh coffee flowing through the house. He smiles slightly; glad Hotch had started a brew this morning before he left to take Jack to school. He sits up in bed, stretching. He freezes, looking around the room. This wasn’t the guest bedroom in Aaron’s apartment. Where was he?

At that moment, the bedroom door opens, and a man walks in, carrying two cups of steaming coffee. Spencer nearly starts salivating at the sight, and he hurries to grab it. He takes a drink of the bitter liquid, causing a pounding in his head to worsen. He never liked coffee bitter. 

He looks at the man that he was taking coffee from, and sees a familiar face from last night, at the bar. “Eli?” He asks, his voice cracking from the strain. “Why am I in your apartment?” 

“You got too wasted last night, you couldn’t remember where your friend’s apartment was, so I brought you here. How are you feeling, Red?” Spencer groans, falling back on the bed, making sure to put the coffee on the table as he went. Of course Red had a one night stand. He wasn’t sore, but judging how Eli was walking, he was. 

“I have to go…” Spencer mutters, quickly fleeing the bed, then quickly fleeing the room, dressed in his jeans and his shirt and tie loose around his neck. Thankfully, he woke up early enough to make it to work before the team leaves for a case. If anything, he’s only going to be thirty five minutes late. He quickly makes sure he has everything, he flees the apartment, promising to call Eli after work (Like that is going to happen.) 

He checks his phone as he hails a cab, to find several missed calls from Hotch, and a new conversation that he wasn’t aware that he had. After reading the conversation, he realizes the reason why was because Red was the one speaking. 

Hotch: Spencer, where are you?

Are you okay?

Reid, answer me.

It’s three in the morning, why aren’t you back yet?

Where did you go?

Spencer: Calm down, baby, I went out for a few drinks, and I’m crashing at a friend’s for the night.

Hotch: Spencer, what the hell are you doing drinking the night before work?

Spencer: God, you are hot when you’re angry.

Hotch: SPENCER REID

Spencer: Yes, babe? 

Hotch: We’ll talk on the plane.

 

Spencer groans, causing the cabbie to look at him, but not ask what’s wrong. He’s probably going to lose his job because Red doesn’t know when to shut up. Spencer sighs, dropping his phone into his pocket. He gives the cabbie the appropriate change when he gets to Quantico, and hurries inside.

By the time he reaches the conference room, he forgotten about the state he is in visibly. He walks into the room, stopping the conversation. “Reid?” Emily asks, drawing out the word. “What happened to you?”

Reid looks down, seeing his shirt halfway undone, his tie untied, hanging around his shoulders, his jeans (thankfully they can pass as work appropriate because they’re dark) were hanging loose on his hips, and back to the shirt, it wasn’t tucked in! His hair must have been a mess as well, matted and hanging semi-greasily down to his shoulders. 

“Oh god, I am so sorry, I woke up late, and oh god, this is awful.” Spencer ducks out of the conference room in shame, hiding his face, and rushing to the bathroom. He stares at his reflection, trying to see if he could find Red anywhere in there.

“I’m behind you, not inside you.” Red announces, appearing after Spencer blinks, behind him, his reflection in the mirror. Red furrows his eyebrows. “That sounded dirty.” 

Spencer reels around. “What are you doing here, Red? Why are you out here? What did you do to me?!” He starts rambling off questions at a rapid-fire pace, anger making his face red and eyes practically burn with fury.

Derek walks toward the bathroom on Hotch’s orders, get Reid and get to the jet in thirty minutes. He hears a muted voice emitting from the bathroom, one that sounds like Reid, like he’s yelling at someone, but Derek doesn’t hear anyone else in the bathroom. Maybe he was on the telephone?

Derek slowly leans against the door, pressing his ear against it, listening in. He knows he shouldn’t, but curiosity got the better of him. He wants to know if Spencer has a boyfriend (or a girlfriend, but Derek doesn’t want to accept that.), which would explain why he came into work like that. He needs to know if Spencer isn’t single anymore.

“You aren’t supposed to be here, Red!” Spencer yells. “God, what do you want? Is it because I dreamt about you last night? Is that it? I’m hallucinating you?”

There isn’t a reply, but apparently Spencer hears one. “I can’t tell if you’re a hallucination, or not! That’s my problem, Red. You go and get a guy at a bar without my consent!” Spencer groans after a moment of silence. “And you made me in trouble with my boss!” 

Derek leans away from the door. How did this Red person come in contact with Hotch? Who is this Red?

Derek knocks on the door, and Spencer is cut short. “Come on, Pretty Boy, we have to be on the plane in about five minutes.”

Spencer sighs.

 

Spencer never had the talk with Hotch. He last on the plane long enough.

Everyone had boarded the jet, and it had taken of, simple as that. However, twenty minutes from take off, the plane had started to shake, usual turbulence. No one worried too much, except Rossi, who was always scared of flying.  
Reid had gotten up from his seat for some tea, his argument with Red gave him a headache. You’re a closet schizophrenic with a split personality, which is now coming into real life as hallucegens, maybe, and you have minor autism, as well as nightmares and a slight addiction to adrenaline. You are a hot mess Spencer, Spencer thinks to himself. 

However, he didn’t actually think it, instead he muttered it as he walked past Derek and Hotch, who both heard the whole thing. Spencer prepares the tea, feeling eyes on him but don’t bother to turn and look, when the plane tilts   
downward sharply, plummeting. 

Derek remembers Spencer flying past him as the plane gathers speed, and eventually he disappears, along with the front of the plane.

 

Derek, Hotch, Rossi, Prentiss, and JJ had all survived virtually unscathed. 

They never found Spencer whole.

They found his hand three weeks after the crash, lodged in the nose of the plane. They had assumed that he was dead, what was the chances that Spencer had survived without showing up in any hospitals in the country? 

So Derek went to his grave every day, telling Spencer’s hand about the work day, how much he loves him, how he can’t wait until they find the rest of Spencer, so Derek would be able to join him in the cemetery. “In Time.” Derek mutters every day, before he gets up to leave. 

To Derek, at least Spencer doesn’t have to deal with all of his issues anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry for how I ended this. I will be writing a part two to this.


End file.
